Letting Go Of What’s Gone
We only hurt ourselves by holding onto what’s gone.
A lot of us live in the present with the past in mind, so we’re never fully here in the now.
We are either reminiscing about the wonderful moments or dwelling over the difficult moments.
I met with a few friends for dinner this past week at a restaurant that’s adjacent to a busy downtown street. One of them shared how prior to my arrival, he left his jacket hanging on a chair in the outdoor seating area, to get a beverage from inside. Upon his return, he noticed his jacket was missing. He frantically searched for it because his car keys were in the jackets pocket.
A homeless man noticed my friend’s distress as he walked around outside of the restaurant in search for who could have stolen his jacket, and offered to help him look. As they searched for his jacket together, the homeless man shared troubling stories of his past, and how it affected his life. They never found the jacket, but my friend, disheartened by his past, decided to buy the homeless man a meal from the restaurant we were dining at.
I thought about how the homeless man must have been dwelling over his difficult past as it’s the first and only thing he shared with my friend, a stranger.
The past, either good or bad, can completely consume our presence.
The ego attaches to wonderful moments to find the same kind of moments later. For example, if I experienced a pleasant family gathering, full of smiles and laughter, the ego will attach to it. When there’s another family gathering, the ego will expect and anticipate it to be exactly like the past one it attached to. So, I’m never fully present at a family gathering or experiencing it as it is. If the family gathering, for any reason, is horrible compared to the pleasant one I was attached to, then it ignites feelings of unhappiness.
Similarly, the ego attaches to difficult moments to avoid and resist the same kind of moments later. For example, if I experienced an unpleasant family gathering, the ego will attach to it, but only to be aware of not having to experience it ever again. When there’s another family gathering, the ego will replay the past just in case it's exactly like the past one it attached to, to be ready to avoid and resist it. So, again, I’m never fully present at a family gathering or experiencing it as it is. If the family gathering is surprisingly pleasant, then I won’t even have noticed it because I'm lost in the past, which still ignites feelings of unhappiness.
Life is a series of present moments, but we don’t live in the present because we’re completely lost in the concept of the past, unknowingly setting ourselves up for misery in the future, which is also a concept, as the present is all there ever is. We only hurt ourselves by holding onto what’s gone.
When we’re living in the present only to be lost in the past, we self-inflict pain and suffering in forms of stress, fear, anxiety, disappointment, unhappiness, and misery.
My friend described the homeless man as deeply affected by his past, causing him suffering in the present. He was holding onto his past and why he immediately shared it with my friend. It must have been weighing him down. Perhaps, he wanted to help my friend look for his jacket, so he may also put down some of the weight he was carrying. If he was fully present, he might not have had a past to immediately talk about, and instead just about the missing jacket, which was occurring in the present.
Some moments in life uplift our spirit, and some shake us to our core, but we don’t have to attach to it. We can experience it with present moment awareness. Soaking and relishing in the good and learning and growing from the bad. We can practice dissipating the ego with present moment awareness, so the ego won’t attach to the good or bad, and we can live life experiencing each moment for what it is as it unfolds
With Love,
Jasmine
I’m currently reading Letting Go by David R. Hawkins, which is really helping me practice letting go and surrendering.
I’m also currently reading a few pages of A Walk in the Wood: Meditations on Mindfulness with a Bear Named Pooh by Dr. Joseph Parent and Nancy Parent to help calm my nerves and wind down before bed. If you grew up watching Winnie the Pooh like me, then you’ll love reading it, too!