"I Thought I Had It Together."
We might have it together one day, but another we won’t, and that’s okay.
I’m not just a writer, but I also work as a full-time administrative assistant to have a stable source of income. While I’d love to be a full-time writer, I do enjoy going to work, as it exposes me to everyday real-world experiences that I learn so much from.
A few days ago, my co-workers, who we’ll name Miguel and Sherry to maintain their identity, were chatting in the lunchroom, which is a few feet away from my cubicle. Suddenly, I heard Sherry loudly cry, “I’m sorry!” as she ran outside of the office. Worried, I went to the lunchroom to find out if Miguel knew what happened to Sherry. As soon as I got into the lunchroom, he looked at me with a muddled look. I said, “I hope she isn’t having a panic attack.” and quickly went outside to check on her.
I found Sherry in the hallway outside of the office grasping for breath. I asked, “Are you okay?”. She murmured, “I’m fine...I thought I had it together.” I replied, “It’s okay...breathe...” Another one of my co-workers came outside to check on her, too. Avoiding further conversation, Sherry swiftly started to make her way back into the office while she repeatedly said, “I thought I had it together...I’m okay now...thank you for checking on me.” I replied, “Okay, I’m glad you feel better, and please let me know if you want to talk or need anything.”
When I got back to my desk, I couldn’t help but think about Sherry’s statement, “I thought I had it together.”
I reflected on how most of us, including me, always try to have it together and realized it’s okay to not always have it together all the time.
In life, nothing is stable or in order all the time because of constant energy flow and transfer.
Everything we experience affects us in subtle or obvious ways, which calls for shifts and changes in how we show up and do anything. Sometimes, we’re oblivious to these shifts and changes needed, and unknowingly ignore them for a prolonged period. However, at times, the signs are there, but we still ignore the shifts and changes needed because we’re used to being and doing things in a certain way that have shaped how we have it together. It’s like driving a car that needs maintenance, where the warning lights may or may not flash, but either way, eventually, the car will break down if we don’t service it.
We might have it together one day, but another we won’t, and that’s okay.
When we don’t have it together, it’s important to create time and space to see and acknowledge how we feel. To express and release what’s weighing us down. To refocus our attention on our breath. To ask for or accept a shoulder to lean on. It allows us to discover what we intentionally or unintentionally ignored, so we can make the necessary shifts and changes needed to be and do with more clarity and inner peace.
I don’t always have it together, but there are times when I believe I do, only to experience panic attacks like my co-worker did. Reflecting on my co-worker's experience and many of my own that I’ve overlooked, I’ve realized how vital it is to check in with ourselves.
It’s okay to not have it together all the time and to feel, release, shift, and change as the mind, body, and soul calls for.
With Love,
Jasmine